Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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