you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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