If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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