you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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