She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
