I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We are all done wearing pants today
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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