that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
