based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I got inside last night via doggy door
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
FUCK WHALES
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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