Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
