Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
