I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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