Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
