Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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