I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
