The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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