I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
