Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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