Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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