ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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