Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
