based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
