I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
