I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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