on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I FOUND THE LEGS
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
