i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
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