both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
