yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
