If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
