Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
