Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
