quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
