the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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