The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
