I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
