official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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