wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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