i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
