I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Holy sore nipples Batman
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
