i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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