we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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