if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
