Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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