Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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