I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
