so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
