He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
