You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
