Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
