just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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