You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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