Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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