I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
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