I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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