The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
