Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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