Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You ruined the universe
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
