your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
