apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
